


one step forward, seven steps back

by Amonet



Series: Stony Ficlets [3]
Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 17:22:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16815100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amonet/pseuds/Amonet
Summary: "Steve wasn’t a homophobe, Tony knew that. Steve didn’t hate gay people, or bisexual people or trans people or anyone, really. He just didn’t like talking about them. Or hearing about them. Or knowing they existed."





	one step forward, seven steps back

Steve wasn’t a homophobe, Tony knew that. Steve didn’t hate gay people, or bisexual people or trans people or anyone, really. He just didn’t like talking about them. Or hearing about them. Or knowing they existed. 

It should never have become a problem and the only reason it had become one in the first place was, of course, because Tony fucked up. Somehow, everything bad that happened could be led back to something he did wrong in the past. This time though, it wasn’t about what he fucked up, but about who he fucked. Or rather who he had not fucked. Namely: women. It wasn’t that he didn’t like women, to anyone with an internet connection that was quite obvious, but there had been a certain lack of that in the past few weeks. Possibly months. And Steve had grown suspicious.  
It wasn’t something they talked about or even silently acknowledged. It was basically a big red button with the words DO NOT PUSH written on it, in capital letters. It was like talking about Clint’s family or Bruce’s dead girlfriend, they just didn’t do it. Sometimes it bothered Tony, this need to keep quiet, but most of the time there were just Natasha’s knowing looks and Bruce’s pitying smiles and the knowledge that it didn’t matter if he kept quiet for the rest of his life because he wasn’t fooling anyone anyway. Everybody knew. Steve knew. Steve knew, but he couldn’t admit it because then it would impact his relationship with Tony and that would impact the team and that would impact the work with SHIELD and so on. Steve couldn’t admit the problem. Steve couldn’t even admit that he had a problem with -it-. Because Steve, and Tony knew that deep down because he knew Steve was a good person and anything other than this was unimaginable, didn’t want to have a problem with it.  
Of course, that changed nothing. It didn’t change the fact that Steve wouldn’t sit next to him on the sofa, or that he left the changing room, still dressed in his workout clothes when he saw Tony even taking a single step in that direction. It didn’t change that, the one time Tony had brought home a man, Steve had looked at him like he had just killed someone. 

Tony would never admit it out loud, but sometimes it hurt, the knowledge that Steve was disgusted by him. Most of the time he could ignore it, but it sneaked up to him sometimes, when he let himself finally sit down on the sofa for a nap after a work binge and Steve would stare at him in horror and leave the room, just because their arms had brushed.  
It wasn’t like Tony was unaware of the fact that Steve’s behaviour was more a reflection on Steve’s feelings than his own and that, whatever problem Steve had with queer people, wasn’t Tony’s fault but sometimes he forgot. And sometimes, like now, he was painfully aware. So, so aware of the way that Steve was staring at his almost naked body, not in horror or disgust, but with lust in his eyes, the desire visible in every part of his body. 

Maybe one day they would get to try if this, them, would work, but before that… well. Steve still had a lot of issues to work through.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, talk to me on tumblr or send me a prompt! I'm [Amonet-writes](https://amonet-writes.tumblr.com) over there!


End file.
